Thursday, September 07, 2006

8 Favorite Sayings from Burning Man 2006

  1. "You should just do whatever you want to do."
    Use this whenever somebody starts talking about some responsibility they have and how they would rather just wander around looking at fire or something. I mean, you are on vacation after all.

    "I'm supposed to go eat some pancakes, but the people in that dome are making bacon and it smells really good."
    "You should just do whatever you want to do."
    "But I told my friend that I would taste the syrup he brought from Canada."
    "You should just do whatever you want to do."
    "Yeah, but my Canadian friend will be--"
    "You should just do whatever you want to do."
    "Yeah, you're right."

  2. "Blam! Hip hop pool party!" Use this whenever somebody starts complaining about anything. Force them to dance around, put their hands in the air, and beatbox. If the person fails to join the pool party, pour some water on the ground in a circle and make them dance in it. (Like all good ideas, the credit for this one goes to Sean Kelly.)

    Example: "I feel like I'm doing all the cleaning while everyone else just--"
    "BLAM! Hip hop pool party!"
    "Oh yeah / Uh huh / pool party / pool party."

  3. "Hey! You're puking on yourself!"
    You can use this one when you're in the medical tent and someone is actually puking on himself, or in any other situation whatsoever.

    Example: "Man, I'm tired"

  4. "We know you're a narc, narc." Use this when someone walks by and looks like a narcotics officer. Or whenever any group of people walks by. It should be directed at nobody in particular.

    [Shouted toward the street from a dark, hidden spot] "Hey narc. We know you're a narc."
    "Your blinky lights aren't fooling anyone."
    "Are you talking to me?"
    "Narc Narc."
    "Who's there?"
    "You are, narc. Have fun in Narcland."
    "Dude, I'm not a narc"
    "Did they teach you to say that in narc school, narc?"

  5. "Snack or whip?"
    Use when you are forcing people to take a snack, and punishing them with a whip if they don't want a snack. And I'm not talking about some lame riding crop, this is a twelve foot bullwhip. Laird whipped people for hours, usually aiming for their bike tire or camel back. It was funny and frightening.

    "Snack or whip?"
    "Do you want a snack, or do you want Laird to whip you?"
    "Ha, no thanks."
    "Laird, get the whip."

  6. "Move along. Keep movin. No chit chat."
    Use when you've just done something really nice for someone (like making them a drink, giving them a hot chocolate with Irish Cream, or fixing their bike) and you don't want to hear any of their dumb hippie thanks and appreciations.

    "What do you want to drink?"
    "Hi! Oh, cool, a bar. What's your specialty?"
    "Hey, no talking, no stupid questions. This is a bar and I asked what you want to drink."
    "Oh, ok. Gin and Tonic."
    "We don't have that. You're getting a margarita with tang in it."
    "Oh, that sounds--"
    "Hey, no chit chat. Here's your drink, now move along"
    "Ha, cool, my name is Playa Angel."
    "Stop talking and start walking, hippie. No chit chat."
    "Ha, you guys are--"
    "Seriously, move along. Keep moving."

  7. "Game on, man, game fucking on!!!!"
    Use when someone says anything that you could conceivably be even a little excited about. Some guy was trying this one out in our camp, and we totally thought it was a dud. Not funny. But he kept doing it every minute or so for a half hour. A few days later it had permeated our camp.

    "I think I might drink some lemonade"
    [Screaming and slapping hand on table] "Game on, man, GAME FUCKING ON!!!!"

  8. "This is my first year." Use whenever someone tries to establish their credibility by saying how many years they've been to Burning Man. This works better if you've actually been coming for 15 years, you used to work for the Burning Man organization, or you're dating one of the event founders. I used this one on a particularly annoying person I who came into our camp and spewed her self righteous hippie vegan bullshit for a half hour. This is an actual conversation I had. She never realized I was fucking with her, even after I told her.

    "I've been coming here for 7 years and working the event for 5, and I think at some point you'll learn that it really is all about giving, and love, and helping other people to heal, and maybe then you'll be able to lose your negativity."
    [Referring to the whole camp, some of whom have been working at the event site for a month and have been attending since the '80s] "It's all of our first year here."
    "Oh! Welcome home!"
    "Yeah, thanks. We have this idea that so many people come here to give to the community, so we're here to take what they have to give and just keep it. Just take it all in and keep it for ourselves"
    "Oh, that so isn't what this event is all about! You should learn to give love to the universe! But, you know, it's only a week, and you can--"
    "Actually I'm here for 10 days, so it's technically more than a week. We'll call it a long week."
    "Well, I'm here for 11 days, so--"
    "I'm here for 12."


Blogger TheodoreRylan said...

Aren't you forgetting the Mascot of our camp? Where's the love for Big Cock Hip-hop Hair Baby?

8:05 PM, September 11, 2006  
Anonymous Tim said...


1:44 PM, September 12, 2006  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Tim, I love your review of burning man. Please never come back. Keep moving. Mooove along. Seriously.

6:56 PM, September 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG!! I was definitly a victim of the narc game at fire barrel this year, I remember being offered cheese flavored vodka and having big cock hip-hop hair baby shoved in my face.. ahh the nastalgia.. can't wait to be home agian.

4:40 PM, December 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats hilarious. i cant wait to go to burning man. game on dude. game fucking on!

11:43 PM, July 09, 2007  

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