Wednesday, April 18, 2007

8 Things I'll Leave Behind

I just signed the lease on a new apartment, inspiring the most mundane blog post in some time. Here are 8 things I will get rid of when I move into my new apartment.
  1. Gray leather jacket.
    If you are one of my fashion-conscious friends and you're thinking to yourself, "Hey, I don't remember ever seeing Jonathan in a gray leather jacket" it is because I never ever wear it.

  2. Purple Doc Marten boots.
    I bought these my first time in London when I was 18. (I've been to London maybe a dozen times, but since that first time I've only visited the London airport, never going further than the little bus-train thing would take me.) The boots were never quite right, the sole started coming off the first time I wore them, and they've been in my closet since the 90's. Gone.

  3. Non-working rice cooker.
    Why did I carry this with me for even a few years? It had no sentimental value like the boots, and it isn't even purple. It didn't even work when I got it. Rice cooker, you are terminated effective immediately.

  4. Storage unit full of art supplies.
    If you're seen my "art" you know that "art supplies" means "trash." I should have given this stuff away years ago. I'm keeping the burning man costumes and shade structures though.

  5. Several modes of transportation.
    I am way over-transported. I have a Mini Cooper, 2 motor scooters (a working BKM and a not quite working Yamaha), an adult-size tricycle, a fancy Merlin road bike, a junky Nashiki road bike, a decent Trek 8500 mountain bike, an old Dunelt 3-speed city bike, and a razor scooter. (And some Bart tickets.) Anybody who wants one of them (besides the Mini, BKM, and Merlin) please please make me an offer.

  6. Goodyear lighted clock.
    This is the sort of thing that really brings the tire shop decor together. unfortunately it didn't do the same for my living room. Current location: the sidewalk behind my house.

  7. VCR and CD player.
    I think it's time that I enter the new century by releasing my antiquated media devices. Plus I routinely see my VCR in thift stores for $5 or less, so I can always replace it for less than the cost of a video rental.

  8. Presto Automatic Hot Dogger.
    I may really come to regret this one. The Hot Dogger is a 1960's device that cooks up to 6 hot dogs at once using an impressively elegant design: it just blasts all of the energy on the power grid through the hot dogs. There is no transformer or resister or what have you. There are two rows of aluminum spikes that connect to the two parts of a power cord. The big plus is that it must be nearly 100% efficient. All the energy is going into the dog, because where else could it go?
    I decided to finally let go of it after thinking through a few things:
    a. I have never cooked a hot dog in my home even a single time.
    b. This thing probably gives you all kinds of cancer. I just don't trust that logo.
    c. If I really want to I could just rig up a new Hot Dogger with an old frayed extension cord.
So farewell, sweet possessions, you have served me well.