Thursday, February 23, 2006

8 Things I'll do differently on my Internet Famous Day

It looks like my 8 types of meeting attendees post was appreciated by some popular people, and this morning I find myself briefly popular. How will temporary and meaningless fame change me? Here's how...
  1. Today I will sleep in for an extra 30 minutes.
    Actually I had already done this by the time I found out I was internet-famous-for-the-day, but now I know why I felt comfortable with it. I was already feeling the love of the internet like a warm glow lulling me to sleep.

  2. Today I will check my measuremap every 10 minutes.
    Is this vanity? Sure. When I woke up this morning and checked my email on my phone (which sounds m,uch nerdier than it actually is, I think) I found that someone had commented on my blog. Thanks to my good friends at Measuremap I knew within minutes that thousands of others who have...well...been to a meeting.

  3. Today I would quit my job, if I hadn't already quit 6 moths ago.
    Seriously, big companies have too many meetings. Quit your job.
  4. Today I will refer to everyone as "she."
    A brave person named Anonymous noticed that I referred to all the meeting types as "guy" "dude" "him" etc. I when I originally wrote it I used a variety of genders but then it sounded like I was saying specific mean things about women in the workplace, which would have certainly been worse. So today I'll make up for it by using only feminine pronouns. I hope this doesn't confuse anyone.

  5. Today I will get coffee at the good coffee place.
    And a bagel too. Shit, why not right?

  6. Today I will drive to work, even though I'll probably get a ticket.
    When the metermaid (see, feminine) tries to ticket me I'll yell "what do you think you're doing? Do you know who you're fucking with? Don't you subscribe to" I am sure this will work.

  7. Today I will practice my meeting skills.
    In my client meeting today I will switch from one meeting attendee type to another without warning. We'll see if this, combined with calling everyone "she," will cause me to lose a client.

  8. Today I'll give a bowl of cereal to anyone who shows up at my office.
    Because we should never forget the little people. Call first.


Anonymous Amy Muller said...

9. Today I will not shave
Dude, just because your famous and stuff does not give you the right to subject us to your stubble.

6:25 PM, February 23, 2006  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Amy is right, I didn't shave today. I am a fucking rock star.

(Also, Amy knows the difference between "your" and "you're" but she is already drunk at a party somewhere.)

6:39 PM, February 23, 2006  
Anonymous Amy Muller said...

The shame...

7:04 PM, February 23, 2006  
Anonymous marian said...

please let us know how was switching styles in the meeting.
did it helped ?

2:13 AM, February 24, 2006  
Blogger Jonathan said...

Honestly I don't think anyone noticed. And I only had meetings with women, so calling them "she" wasn't too disruptive.

12:10 PM, February 24, 2006  

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